Night Crawlers

She sat

afraid

yet trying to ignore

the

impending darkness.

There used

to be a time

when sleep was fine,

there were no

mysterious entities

doomed to enter

into her brain.

So she remains

awoken in

this simulated state

of human consciousness

in order to avoid

the realities

of the subconscious

thoughts

and desires,

unknown night critters that

crawl around

unannounced.

By day

the bed is her

friend,

by night her

enemy,

not knowing

if there will be someone else,

that certain someone,

to lay next to her tonight

to protect her from

the monsters

that dwell inside

her closet and

under the bed–

phantoms only to creep out

and prey

when there is no comfort

of sunlight.

 

Hope

Withering discontent
forcibly choose to sit in this room
Monsters, Thieves, Liars, Cheats
myself included
most of all.
These broken thoughts
irreparable
but can’t put that liquidy Devil
down my desperate throat again.
We applaud
the surrendered and the scared
newcomers that sit awkwardly
in their chairs
darty eyes
slithery sweaty skin
insides at war against the brain
feelings all too familiar
as I sit I feel their pain.
I go through the same ride
every morning noon and night.

Now the difference is
I have to trudge
against the salty tidal waves
without you by
my side
due to my deliberately
manufactured misery.
Putting myself in situations
that God tells me no.
I know it’s for the better
I know he means the best
but my thoughts go
straight to places
that send jolts to my chest.

Why is it so hard to hear you
happy?
You’re doing good, celebrating,
loving without me
I can’t control this situation, I
can’t control this pain.
It’s something i’ll have
to endure
until things make sense
in my brain.
Oh power, greater than myself,
Where are you?
I can feel you sometimes
when you seem to fill me
with your strength, but
why can’t that
last forever?
When things don’t go
my way
I want to kick and scream
until I find a way
But this time is
different.
My way will not happen
no matter how much
I scream your name
you haunt me in my
dreams
a phantom lurking
outside the window
your voice, it stirs
inside my head
summoning emotions
that give me hope again.

But the truth,
the reality is
I’m as raw as I’ve
ever been
and to hold on to hope,
is to hold on to death,
I can’t even
call you my friend.