Journal Entry: Hospice Day 3

She’s in a lot of pain, and moving around, agitated. She’s talked a little bit. She has weird chunks in her mouth. She has swelling in her hand. “Will you take it off please” is the clearest thing I’ve heard her say tonight, regarding her broken shoulder/arm on the pillow. “Help me, Hurry,” is what she’s saying. She just asked for water.

Maybe I should blog about it. Maybe people will have some words of wisdom or advice. Maybe it would be nice to share my story. It’s a hard story to tell. It’s a hard story to live. I don’t know how to describe it, how I lost G.G. (Great Grandma) one year ago, and now I’m losing my grandma. In the worst way imaginable. Maybe I should keep it to myself for a while.

I just don’t know what to do. I need something to keep me busy while I’m here. Maybe read, write some more. But write about what?

Dear Grandma,

Soon, you will find the sunlight over those rocky hills. All of your pain will be dissolved into the brisk air. You will feel the warmth of God’s breath on your forehead. You will have the relief to take a full, deep breath again.

I wish I could take all of your pain, and put it into me instead. You always took care of me. You always knew what to say when I came to you for advice. I know I was stubborn sometimes, and didn’t visit you enough, and I wish I could take it back.

You gave me your car, the ’93 Subaru Legacy when I was 16. I still have childhood memories of you taking me to pre-school in that car, always having a sucker for me in the glove box when you picked me up.

You are an example to live by. You changed so many people’s lives. You accepted everybody, no matter their race, religion, ethnicity, socio-economic status- and you always had humor and kind words to cheer someone up.

I accept your departure from this earth, into the other realm. I can only Imagine. What it will be like to meet Jesus. And your mother, brother, father, grandfather.

I will be okay. We will be okay. I just don’t want to see you suffer anymore.

I know where you are going, and I know that you will be with me always and forever. Give a big kiss to G.G. for me.

Love,

Jordy

Journaling…

I have kept a journal since I was about 7 years old. Since then, I have recorded memories, quotes, lyrics, and much more throughout my life that I’m happy I’ll be able to go back through and read.

Here are some benefits of keeping a journal:

  • It trains you to be observant
  • It prevents you from losing an idea
  • It helps you memorize and idea
  • It trains you to express your thoughts
  • It helps you expand your ideas
  • It helps you review all the lessons you’ve learned
  • It allows you to see progress over time

If you don’t know where to start with the whole “journaling” thing, here are some ideas for you.

  • Use quotes
  • Use poems
  • Use definitions from a dictionary or create your own
  • Use magazine clips
  • Use receipts or labels
  • Create a journal jar with various themes. Pick one each day and journal about that subject. Include photos if possible.
  • Use the ABC’s- think of descriptive words for each letter
  • Use commercials or TV catch phrases
  • Stickers! Mixed media!
  • Use bullet points rather than full sentences
  • Use lyrics to songs
  • Use the words to a favorite children’s book
  • Conduct an interview
  • Fill in the blank…
  • Use templates like Journal Genie from Chatterbox to create creative shaped journal spots like circles or waves
  • Place a bunch of descriptive word strips on the page
  • Write from the point of view of a pet or child
  • Journal “a day in the life” complete with photos
  • Record a funny conversation
  • Journal your defining moments!
  • Journal you routine or daily schedule
  • Journal your weekly menu and grocery list
  • Journal your style by cutting out pictures from magazines that represent your likes and dislikes

Happy Journaling!