Friends

Friends, you said

friends is what you’d like to be.

My friendship means the world to you,

you said.

Another reason

why trusting people’s words

never comes easy to me.

Maybe your

definition of friendship

is different than mine.

Friends don’t hurt

each other-

At first I considered

taking you up on this friendship option-

Yes, please, I said.

And instantly regretted it.

You said,

not yet,

anyway.

Maybe someday.

Fuck you.

Scents

I’ve lost so many friends this year. And I wonder, is it my fault? And I don’t want to know the answer to that question. Is it because we were never truly friends in the first place? Is it because nothing is real anymore? People place so much value on their social media accounts and appearances. Nothing is real anymore. Forced. Fake. Fragile. Broken. No one wants to share their broken pieces and let others help them mend them back together. Pride. We are all broken. Lost. Lonely. Scared. I can smell it, the putrid fragrance that develops densely, deep within the bones. The scent pierces my nostrils, envelopes my lungs, sneaks into my pores. It becomes me, and I become it. I take it on. It conforms me.

Good Night with Good People x2

good

 

Awesome night with awesome people, actually. A bunch of friends from work and I got together last night, starting off with dinner at Outback Steakhouse then off to Fox and Hound for some drinks. I couldn’t have asked for a better night.

Amanda, whom I worked with, my newly really good friend, is leaving today for Pueblo. She brought all of us girls together. I couldn’t thank her enough for what she’s done for us. If it wasn’t for her, all of us working friends wouldn’t be getting together for some fun. I know that after she leaves, us “oldnavyers” will continue to get together, hang out, talk, and have fun. And we are going to plan on a slumber party sometime down in Pueblo with Amanda.

Amanda wrote us all individualized letters. This is what she wrote for me:

“I know you feel like we didn’t get to know each other until the end but I feel a little different. We have always had an unspeakable bond. You remind me a lot of myself lol and thats what I love about you. You and I have talked about more of the seriousness of life. You have such an amazing soul and I know you are going to do something great in life! I truly believe that God brought us together when we went to dinner… it was the right moment at the right time. I feel so lucky to have met such a wonderful person. I know you will find your way and like a great person once said, “Everything is going to be ok”

I’m crying as I retype this letter she wrote, just like I did when I first read it. I’m so blessed to have met a person that accepts me, loves me, and would do anything for me. So here’s my letter to you Amanda:

Amanda,
I thank you so much for everything you and Jordan have done for me. When I met you at Old Navy, I didn’t really know what to think because you LOD’d for like a day and the rest you were just sharing all of us associates in our rants about being at work 🙂 I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You knew what I was going through, but you didn’t push it. You could tell when I was emotional at work, and you supported me in any way possible. I’m sad that you’re leaving, but I know that this is God’s plan for you. I will miss you terribly, but we can still stay in touch and do visits. Thank you again for accepting me, loving me, and bringing us Old Navy girls together. You are amazing, and I can tell you have more amazingness coming to you in life, along with your amazing husband. I know i’ve used the word “amazing” a lot, but that’s really what it is.
I love you,
Jordan Faust 🙂

good 2  good 3