Friends

Friends, you said

friends is what you’d like to be.

My friendship means the world to you,

you said.

Another reason

why trusting people’s words

never comes easy to me.

Maybe your

definition of friendship

is different than mine.

Friends don’t hurt

each other-

At first I considered

taking you up on this friendship option-

Yes, please, I said.

And instantly regretted it.

You said,

not yet,

anyway.

Maybe someday.

Fuck you.

Scents

I’ve lost so many friends this year. And I wonder, is it my fault? And I don’t want to know the answer to that question. Is it because we were never truly friends in the first place? Is it because nothing is real anymore? People place so much value on their social media accounts and appearances. Nothing is real anymore. Forced. Fake. Fragile. Broken. No one wants to share their broken pieces and let others help them mend them back together. Pride. We are all broken. Lost. Lonely. Scared. I can smell it, the putrid fragrance that develops densely, deep within the bones. The scent pierces my nostrils, envelopes my lungs, sneaks into my pores. It becomes me, and I become it. I take it on. It conforms me.

Good Night with Good People

Some girlfriends from work and I have been trying to get together and get dinner or drinks to talk and hang out. Yesterday we were supposed to meet at Elephant Bar, but I ended up not being able to because of arrangements I forgot about. They didn’t meet up either, but tonight Amanda and I decided to go to Chili’s after work to eat and catch up with her husband, Jordan.

After I got home from this dinner, I felt so blessed. They are both amazing, beautiful people inside and out. I felt like it was a “God” thing. Jordan has been working for Chili’s and is moving up to be a manager in Colorado Springs, so they are moving this Tuesday. That’s why I wanted to get together with Amanda before she left town. We were talking about work, life, money, everything. I told them my story with school, and how much I want and need to live on my own and be independent. I mentioned  that I have been working for Old Navy for 6 years now, and it seemed to flabbergast them. They told me that working at Chili’s and being a server would definitely take me out of my comfort zone, but it could be just the change I need in my life right now that could bring in the money I need to do what I want.

Jordan went and talked to one of the managers who said they are in need of servers, and he put in a good word for me. He told me to go in on Monday to meet with another manager, I think the GM or something. I’m going to go in and introduce myself and talk about the position before I apply online, pretty much putting a face to the name. I feel so lucky that I have these people, who I didn’t really know, to help and support me in times of need.

I also feel like this is such a good sign from God. Amanda told me that her grandma would always tell her, “Everything’s going to be okay.” That’s what my grandma would say to me, every time I talked to her. I  need this change. Maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t meet with the girls yesterday. We’re all supposed to get together on Monday, but this more intimate get-together with Amanda and her husband was definitely a meant-to-be sign. I will definitely miss her when she moves to the Springs, but we will find times to hang out.

So here’s to a new Adventure in my life 🙂

adventure