Scents

I’ve lost so many friends this year. And I wonder, is it my fault? And I don’t want to know the answer to that question. Is it because we were never truly friends in the first place? Is it because nothing is real anymore? People place so much value on their social media accounts and appearances. Nothing is real anymore. Forced. Fake. Fragile. Broken. No one wants to share their broken pieces and let others help them mend them back together. Pride. We are all broken. Lost. Lonely. Scared. I can smell it, the putrid fragrance that develops densely, deep within the bones. The scent pierces my nostrils, envelopes my lungs, sneaks into my pores. It becomes me, and I become it. I take it on. It conforms me.

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Dagger

There’s a constant
dagger in my heart
it pulls back and forth
I can’t seem to maintain
any kind of balance
no maintanance
no sense of logic
just heart strings
up and down up and down.

Am I the only one that feels this
I constantly ask
but no one knows the answer
right now i’m filled with hate
towards no one but myself.
I want to take a bath
I want to sink and drown
Further and further
I want to feel the water
in my lungs
I want my heart to stop
beating like drums

Nothing in this life makes
sense to me
except for words
they know how I feel
but words can’t always
express the nature of my being
when it feels like my
insides are bleeding.
You gave me this
but I gave you more
and I want it back.
I don’t wanna be sober
let’s go smoke some crack
Is this raw enough for you?
Cuz what you’ve seen
are words made out of
Plastic Surgery
made to cover up
all the mistakes and
all of the Real.

There was nothing real
about those poems
on yellow paper
hanging up on your wall.
You want Jordan?
Well this is Jordan.
Let me know if you
still want to her
but the question is
do you want the
Plastic Surgery version?
or the Real?
Be careful what you
answer. I’ll slap on
a fake smile
and a fake laugh
until my insides burst
I won’t even show you that.

Where did my mind go?
I lost it. Along with
my happiness. What more
do you want from me?
You said…
You said your only goal
was to make me happy.
instead you made me
Crazy.
But then again
your words never
do mean anything,
do they?
Bullshit flys out of
your mouth like
you won the award
for Player of the year.
You never mean what
you say and never
say what you mean.
I want my poems back.
I want my words back.
I want my heart back.

Meaning

Many people ask
What gives life meaning?
Then put on a mask.
They hide their insecurities
And fake their purities
Absent of priorities.
This life is what you make it
Sometimes you gotta fake it
Just for the sake of it
Or else you’ll just break it.

So take off that mask you little time bomb
Or else you’ll just be dancing to the same song.
When you be yourself
And believe in Destiny
You might just have an epiphany.